We're Done.

I can remember when I was first bitten by the "baby bug" when I was around 27 years old, or so. Every time I'd see a baby, I'd just go "awww" and would find them irresistable. I knew I wasn't quite ready for one of my own, but looked forward to the time when Kevin and I would start a family. Those feeling intensified for several years, and then we were blessed with our first child, Ryan. I was positively smitten. Babies were wonderful! I loved babies! I knew I definitely wanted more, not right away, mind you, but I knew we weren't done yet.

Fast forward a few years, and we decided to try for another little bundle. I had decided that I would really like 3 kids altogether, Kevin was happy with one, but decided 2 wouldn't be bad. I can remember joking with him that I'd just have twins and then I could have my 3. Huh. Guess I need to be more careful about the things I say in the future... Pregnancy with twins was tough. I was fortunate to not have to deal with bedrest and premature babies, but carrying 13 1/2 pounds of babies, plus all that other gunk around really wreaked havoc on my poor little 5'1" frame! We were pretty sure, like nearly 100%, that we wouldn't want anymore children, but I hesitated to do anything to make that decision permanent during my c-section. What if I lost a child and we wanted to have another? I didn't want to deal with the added grief of knowing that we wouldn't be able to have another. Silly? Probably, but in my hormonal state, it really did make sense. Honest.

Since then, there have been a few times that I've thought it would be fun to have a baby around the house again. Not that we would actively be trying to have one, but if it happened, I thought it wouldn't be too bad. And honestly, if something did happen, and God decided to bless (ahem) us with another child, I know we would love him or her as much as we do our other kiddos.

That being said, this week I had a weird stomach virus thing. It started off with dizziness on Wednesday. And from Thursday to Saturday I had a lot of nausea. No worshipping of the porcelain god, just intense waves of nausea and some of the "d" word mess. It felt an awful lot like morning sickness (you know, the all day variety). It made me quite nervous. Even though AF had just ended her visit on Wednesday, and Kevin and I are quite careful, I started thinking "what if I'm pre.....?" (sorry, not gonna say the whole word outloud--see the earlier reference to twins...). The intense relief I felt when I woke up this morning feeling relatively normal again has shown me (once again) that the baby bug infection has worn off of this mama. And I have to say that it actually feels quite nice to know that we're done with the baby-phase of our lives.